Match Report
Tuesday 11 June –v- Parks Leisure
An unchanged eleven, was surely not testimony to the mutinous gathering that had only last week questioned the very integrity of our new and glorious kommandant. Timmo seemed totally non-plussed about a hastily convened Berlin vote of confidence that gave him the complete backing of the fatherland - surely a dead-cert bet for a one-way trip to the Russian Front! The toss was lost and some what surprised, we found ourselves patrolling the grass. Any worries harboured, that Parks were a serious threat, were soon dispelled, as the openers struggled to deal with our opening duo of Braithwaite and Clements. After last week’s debacle in the field, it was refreshing to see a return towards the halcyon days of the competition, when there was no such thing as a stolen single. Darkie and Danglers patrolled the infield with much dilligence, ensuring that PL’s pin-shitters were unable to get them off to a start. It soon became apparent that Parks were more interested in surviving the full quota of overs, than setting us a realistic target. Whale and Wilsdon,a somewhat lightweight spinning duo, made initial breakthroughs, ably supported by Gordy’s collection of well-disguised zimmers. The innings closed at a paltry 70-6, set up nicely for early doors at the Rising Sun. Our openers evidently found the going equally tough, as both were dismissed cheaply to bowling described as ‘so bad you couldn’t hit it’.
Sumo’s visit was confined to a single scoring shot, which cleared both the boundary rope and a large tree, but from these early indiscretions, an unbroken stand of 37 between Lardy and Danglers carried us safely to target. Alas, I fear a disrepute charge in the offing, for Wilsdon’s flagrant abuse of the "No LBWS" ruling, as twice (not three times!) he mimicked the Great Schultz in attempted pull-shots in front of middle stump. Moysey, meantime was ensuring another midweek not out, by treating the non-spinning donkey drop bowler with so much respect, that by the end of four overs he thought he was Shane Warne. Throughout the innings the watching crowd had been irritated by a relentless tapping noise, as John attempted to knock-in the brand-new Duncan Fearnley ‘Braithwaite Sweetblade’. Custom-made to suit JB’s game it comes with a scooped out middle, which has then been hand crafted to the edge of the blade. Supplied complete with the revolutionary bat edge conditioning mallet, it requires lengthy preparation before use, finished off with three sharp taps near the middle (in the unlikely event of John timing the ball) and is guaranteed for at least John’s lifetime. The mood this week back at the Sun was far more festive. Rumours that Jim was getting a performance jug for his maiden fifty were shattered by a non-appearance, and it was left to John to do the honours. Evidently during the hour or so he spent bat conditioning; he inadvertently connected several times with the middle, and felt that had he been allowed to bat would surely have made fifty.
