Match Report
Sunday 28 June v Bethlem Royal Hospital at Monks Orchard Road
As usual the arrangements were to meet in a pub - this time the Bricklayers Arms in Bromley - though why there God only knows as it was miles from the pitch. Questions were being asked; where was Glenn Timms and why had Sharon gone to Dorset for the weekend? Why had Glenn McMahon got a French letter when Mark hadn't? Travelling to the ground was an experience in itself - six cars in convoy brought traffic to a complete halt when the leader decided to turn a roundabout into a merry-go-round (rally cross style, of course.)
The match started with Bethlem Royal Hospital batting first. Much to the Crusaders' disappointment the opposition were not the inmates, although I'm not too sure about the umpire! With Hugh opening the bowling the hospital score quickly leapt into double figures; Steve Lewis not doing much better at the other end (though his knee-length socks were rather fetching.) The hospital team managed to knock up 155 runs in their 40 overs helped along by a useful 71 from their opener, pinched from the Pakistani touring side and some rather sleepy outfielders. Captain Spud managed a remarkable 4 wickets for 41 runs off 13 overs which included 2 maidens. Other wicket takers were Steve Martin 2, Steve Lewis 1 and Glenn McMahon 1. Glenn must also get a mention for an extremely athletic catch out on the boundary which I'm sure everybody will agree has a good chance of becoming the catch of the season.
After a paltry tea of limp lettuce leaves and dishwater the Crusaders took to the field determined to hit the opposition all around the field. Alas it was not to be as the wicket of Steve Lewis fell for 2 with 11 on a very complicated scoreboard. Glenn McMahon was next with no addition to the total and Gary Chapman managed a couple of 4's before being dismissed LBW. There was a short lull in the slaughter whilst a Mr Laker (borrowed from somewhere or other) put on a quick 14 whilst running up his phone bill and then the collapse continued, with Steve Martin and Gordon Schultz both out for ducks. Then came a late revival with the score on 61. Spud took the bowling apart with a stupendous 30 which included three 4's to hump the runs total up, before losing his concentration and directing the ball into the waiting hands of a fielder(who writes this stuff?) The partnership of Morrison and Clements brought hope of a win after all. Picking out suitable spots on the boundary they blasted the ball all over the shop, preferring to place the ball rather than make paltry singles in the scorching heat (besides they were both too knackered for running) Neil Morrison was finally and unluckily bowled for a career best of 9 (including 2 boundaries) when he looked all set for a match winning 50 (I live in hope!) Jim 'give me a fag' Clements soldiered bravely on, hitting a scorching 6 and was helped along by Mark Paine making his first appearance at the crease since having a certain part of his anatomy removed (no, not his brain) Mark waddled his way to 6 not out and Jim was caught by Carroll for 12 - but that's another story - to give a final Crusaders innings total of 103.
The club house bar having been vandalised some weeks earlier, we were forced to adjourn to the nearby White Hart where the umpire proceeded to make himself very unpopular poncing drinks from all and sundry - we left rapidly! A pleasant leisurely drive to the Bull in Chislehurst followed during which Clare and Karen had a narrow escape involving a yellow van (Ed - it missed us didn't it) A large quantity of head wetting was done, Uncle Mark having just given birth to a niece Hayley Rebecca and we all lived happily ever after.
Pen pictures
Steve Lewis - can't seem to find his century hitting form and wears long socks.
Gary Chapman - spent too much time canoodling and not enough scoring.
Glenn McMahon - magnificent catch on his 52nd birthday
Hugh Gallagher - was extremely lucky not to be wearing the duck hat, bowled. 1 for 26
Mr Laker - scored 14 runs, didn't tell me his first name
Steve Martin - escaped without wearing the duck hat, has got a sickening sun tan.
Gordon Schultz - will surprise us all with a long innings soon.
Spud Whale- IQ going up week by week and owes the umpire a drink next year
Neil Morrison - brilliant innings, superstar, wonderful person, author of this report
Jim Clements - superb 6 despite the hangover and box sniffing.
Uncle Mark Paine - a welcome return from the umpiring wilderness, I hope he knows how to change nappies.
